Crystals and wizards and shit

Mercury is almost direct again. Supposedly, because I was born during Mercury in retrograde the non-effects do not effect me directly. Get it? If not, ask your astrologer/tarot reader. A quick explanation of Mercury in retrograde: The planet Mercury effects you. When it is in retrograde its effects cannot be felt. Usually during this phenomenon (2-3 weeks 2-3 times a year) cars and computers break down, you lose your keys, wake up late, etc. It is also a notoriously bad time to make any huge decision or attempt to reconcile a dispute...you get the idea. Does this seem like every day for you? Well then, you are just disorganized and unlucky, sorry. So what does this all mean for me, you ask? I have nothing and no one to blame for the stupid, selfish things I am about to do.