Thursday, June 26, 2008

Warning: I use the V-word freely

I kind of made Hunky hang out with me. He was a good sport. I brought cherries, brie, bread and my light-up frisbee. I wonder how many UFO sightings were reported in Woods Hole that night. We went swimming and the phosphorescence was spectacular. I tried to impress with my synchronized swimming skills but he was staring at the glowy thingys and I was worried about getting phosphorescence in my vagina.

A male friend recently said that women can basically get whatever they want because they have vagina s. I responded "You mean, I am sitting on a goldmine!?" He whispered "Yes".

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Here comes the bitter sister

My eldest brother is about to be married. Most in my family have been tight lipped since the news broke so as not to show her how shocked we were. Then came the fingers-crossed-behind-back holidays, but now I feel guilty because I want him to be happy, not just married because he thinks it is his last chance. She and I are not really on the same plain. It is awkward to say the least. She was horrified at the Christmas gifts I gave: donations to Heifer and reusable shopping bags, while I would rather have a crayon drawing from her than the Yankee candle oil thing that made my throat close up as soon as I opened the bottle. My sister agrees that her family and ours don't really have the same values etc. Alright, it does NOT matter what we think. They are going through with it.
What to wear:
I originally bought a $24 sassy dress that is just borderline on the sexy single sister scale. But my sister reminded me that it is a night wedding and therefore "formal". Fuck. So, I am bringing a dress to the cleaners that I paid too much for and have already worn to two weddings. SWEET! When people who know me see me in it they freak. It has gilded straps and beaded flowers. Ha-Hoo has cleavage and hips!??? and NO date, wah-wah.
That takes care of the wedding... but here goes my rant about Bridal Showers. I can think of 1,054 things I would rather be doing on a Saturday in June on Cape Cod, but no, I will be driving to WInthrop (Yuck) for a bridal shower. It will not be half as bad as I am making it out to be. I have never been to a bridal shower, what is it for? I got a gift off of the registry at Macy's. Boring. But here comes the good part. The gift bag. My bff Sarah has a collection of gift bags for us to reuse. As fate would have it the only one that would fit this gift is one with a giant pink castle and a unicorn on it (her daughters 3rd birthday, no doubt). The drive will be worth it just to see her reaction. Should I act totally normal? Like, I got it specifically for her...hmmm....delicious. Seriously, I am looking forward to seeing her. I know she has helped my brother overcome difficulties and I am happy for her. Also, I get to see my sisiter, my awesome cousins and their new babies and my mom. Then we can all laugh and laugh....

Not completely unrelated: The funniest thing Ted has done:
During the wedding ceremony for Julie and Matt. Dave, a friend who introduced the happy couple was describing that first encounter. He said something like "And in walked Matt, all six foot four of him..." At which point Ted let out a agreeable "MMmmmm Hmmm"

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Crystals and wizards and shit

Mercury is almost direct again. Supposedly, because I was born during Mercury in retrograde the non-effects do not effect me directly. Get it? If not, ask your astrologer/tarot reader. A quick explanation of Mercury in retrograde: The planet Mercury effects you. When it is in retrograde its effects cannot be felt. Usually during this phenomenon (2-3 weeks 2-3 times a year) cars and computers break down, you lose your keys, wake up late, etc. It is also a notoriously bad time to make any huge decision or attempt to reconcile a get the idea. Does this seem like every day for you? Well then, you are just disorganized and unlucky, sorry. So what does this all mean for me, you ask? I have nothing and no one to blame for the stupid, selfish things I am about to do.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Mr. Void

This just in :the guy that I told myself I didn't like anyways gives me the "I'm really busy" routine one time too many. Any half wit knows just what that means. "I don't really want to see you, at all". He is just a guy in a truck. So why does it still hurt? I will be fine. Luckily, it is boogie boarding season for me so I can go out there and let the waves wash away my tears. Things friends have said : "He is gone", "You knew what it was", "Let it go". Seriously, I have not cried over him. My ego just has a bruise the size of a...ahem. In the grand scheme I know that chemical wowing fades away and you are left with connections on other plains. Lets just say that I smelled his genes and I liked them. It must have been the same alcoholic/carpentry gene that is prevalent on my dads side.