Saturday, February 27, 2010

Snookie Monster

Every once and a while I feel like an adult but mostly it's when I am at work. After my dentist basically told me I was a freak for having two baby teeth I asked him, very seriously, if that meant I didn't have to grow up. It took him a few seconds to bray awkwardly. Not too many people can decipher when I am joking, I got that from my dad.

I have a strange job. 8, 12 sometimes 24 hour shifts, a few times a week. I am at work right now and Bob is brushing his teeth. I take care of Bob. I make him breakfast, he schools me in old military and radio jingles, show tunes, geography and WWII. I joke that he is the grandfather I never wanted or my third boyfriend (His dog Duncan is my second).

I have had a boyfriend for almost a year now which still surprises me. It has been weird to, after being single for years, try at age 33 to be with someone, but companionship feels so right.
I call him Leon, he is the wheel man. Everyone he knows is a character and usually has at least one nickname. Let's see, there is Johnny Too Much, Salty Pete a.k.a. The Night Rider, Bandicoot, Big Fred, Future Freddy, The Doctor, Cousin Tim, Kenny, Ted Shred a.k.a. Teddy Ball Gag...

I drive more now then I ever have and I find the road society bizarre. I know I look like a douche bag in my white volvo wagon and I use this to my advantage. I stop and let people go just too make a point. I give jerks the thumbs down or up depending on how sarcastic I am feeling. If you get the tongue with the thumb you did something really special. I keep it slow for the most part then really open it up when White "Gravy" Betty begs for it. I let Leon drive that way I can read crossword clues aloud and prepare snacks.

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